A Zambian Kitchen Party

On Saturday I had the joy and honor of attending a Kitchen Party.   In the states we would call it a wedding shower.  The bride's aunt is Miriam, our head housemother.  She had invited Kimberly and I and we were both able to bring a friend.   So we took Mary Zulu (the pastor's wife) and Rose (our other housemother).  It was quite an event.

 

The invitation read:

Mrs. Victoria Chileshe cordially invites Mrs. Kathleen Schwartz to the Bridal Shower of her second born daughter Chipo Katongo Chileshe.   ……Time: 13:00 hours

Colour scheme: Silver, Black and White (Strictly by card, no children allowed and no plastics)

 

We arrived exactly at 13:00 (1pm) hours.  There were about 20 guests there at that time.   It was held outside in a place where they must do parties.  There were a number of trees as well as umbrellas over tables.   There were lots of empty chairs and tables.  We were served sodas, although we could have requested wine or beer which was in large containers.   We had a wonderful time just sitting and visiting as guests arrived. 

 

As we waited, there were a group of women practicing their singing, drumming, and dancing.   During much of the activities, Kimberly and I relied on Mary and Rose to tell us about what was going on, the traditions, at times translating, etc.   Apparently these musicians and dancers are hired for these Kitchen Parties.

 

As women continued to arrive it became clear that this was a family that must be wealthy.   There were 20 women, including Miriam, on the committee to put the event together.  They were all dressed in dresses made from the same black and white material.   Each dress was different, but since the material was the same, they stood out so guests could recognize who they were and go to them if they needed anything.

 

Those helping serve drinks and take gifts had shirts on with lettering on the back that said "Chipo's Bridal Shower."

 

By about 3:00 (2 hours after we expected the party to start), there were probably 250 women present – I was the only masungu (white person).   It was like being at a fashion show.  There were beautiful dresses and all kinds of material used to make them.   Most of those there wore dresses that were specifically made for them.  For that kind of dress, you go to a fabric store, pick out your material, and then have a dress made by a seamstress – some male, some female.

 

I wore a dress given to me in Ghana by our friends.  Kimberly had tied some material around my head as a kind of headpiece.   Before we arrived at the party we had stopped at Manda Hill Shopping Center.   As I was waiting outside the car for Kimberly to return from going to the store she needed to to buy wrapping paper, I felt kind of conspicuous as a white person dressed like an African.   After arriving at the party I was introduced to Miriam's aunt who said, "I saw you at Manda Hill.  I wondered who that person was dressed up like an African.   And now you are at this party!"  She was pleased.  I asked Mary Zulu what people would think of me and she said that it pleases them to see people like me choosing to dress like them.   So I guess I was ok.

 

Back to the party.  At one point, Mary and Rose said that the groom's family must be Lozi (a tribe) because the women were dressed in a particular way.   Apparently no other tribe has distinguishing attire but the Lozi. 

 

A meal was served to all the guests, buffet style.  Toward the end of that they brought the bride-to-be in.  She was totally covered, under a kind of blanket.  Members of her family were surrounding her.   She was brought to a small pavilion and sat on the ground on a cushion.  She had 2 matrons/older women who were the ones to guide her through the whole thing.   The fact that she had 2 of these women indicated also that they are wealthy.

 

There was a woman who acted kind of like an MC of the event.   Once the bride came in, she kind of taunted the groom's family saying, "Is this the one you wanted?  Maybe there is something the matter with her so they have covered her up, etc."   The women from the groom's family then went outside the gate where the groom and some of his male family were waiting.  They escorted him in slowly to singing and drumming.   They slowly brought him up to the pavilion.  It was hard to see this part, but he had to give the bride's family money.   Then he removed the blanket and kissed her.  He gave her flowers.  He then sat down in a chair, surrounded by members of his family.   She slowly got up and came around in front of him doing a slow dance type step, side by side with one of the matrons.  She bowed down before him, also went all the way to the ground and then gave him a gift.   She then returned to the pavilion and the groom-to-be left surrounded by the other men.

 

Both the bride-to-be and the groom seemed very young.   I also never saw the bride smile the whole time.  I think that is common at these events.

 

All the gifts that the guests brought had been placed on the ground, in front of where the bride was sitting.   After the ceremony with the groom, helpers would unwrap the gifts, call out the name of the person who gave it.  Then the guest would come forward, kneel in front of the bride and present the gift.   They were also supposed to say what it was and how you use it in the kitchen.  As guests come forward they traditionally sing and/or do a dance.

 

The interesting thing is that the event has the purpose of educating the bride.   The gifts and presentation of them is to teach her about things in the kitchen.  The dances are to teach her how to behave in the bedroom.  So for us Westerners, the dances seemed very sensual, which is really the point of them.

 

This took a long time and since we had a long drive out of the city, we left before our gifts were announced and presented.   On the one hand that was good since we didn't have to go up.  But on the other hand I would have liked to talk directly to the bride.

 

I was so glad to get to go.  Although there was much tradition related to this event, it is really only for those with means.   The gifts that her family were giving were off to the side and included refrigerator/freezer, stove, washer/dryer combination, small tables and chairs, and lots and lots of smaller things.

 

The wedding will be next week.  As we have been learning about customs in this country it is so interesting to see how things are done differently.   One of the big joys of the day was just getting to spend time with Kimberly, Mary, and Rose.  Mary and Rose were so gracious to answer so many questions that Kimberly and I had.